Monday, March 7, 2011

Day 19: Disrespecting Your Parents

Yep, I've done it. I've disrespected both of my parents any number of times. My relationship with each of them has had long rocky stretches at various points. But no one wants to read about that, probably, and I don't really want to dredge all that up, either.

Instead, here's a story about my Dad and how he was gloriously Chuck-Norris-like one time:

When I was a teenager, I would spend every other weekend at my Dad's house. One of these weekends, we kept hearing this odd clicking sound in his living room. All day. While I was working on my math homework ... click click click. While he watched golf on tv ... click click click. Weird. Later in the afternoon, I went upstairs to my room to take a nap. My Dad went into his office to do whatever. As I slept, he went back into the living room for some reason and saw a GIANT CLOUD OF WASPS circling around the living room! The clicking sound? Was them eating through the fricking wall like some biblical plague.

So my Dad, being the weirdo he is, doesn't go upstairs and evacuate me. He's worried that if he hesitates, the swarm will break away from their little tornado formation and spread throughout the house. So he runs to the closet, grabs the vacuum cleaner, puts on all the wand attachments to make it as long as possible, and then? Vacuums up a giant cloud of wasps. Right from the air.

I'll give you a minute to picture that.

Can you imagine my disappointment at napping through all this???

So he vacuums up all the wasps, jams the hose back into the vacuum so they cannot escape, puts the vacuum cleaner out in the yard, and starts calling exterminators from the phone book. They all were willing to come seal up the wasps chewed-through tunnel and remove the hive they were building out there. But none wanted to come pick up a vacuum cleaner filled with pissed-off bees.

So see? I may have disrespected my parents, but those wasps? Will never underestimate my Dad again.

PS I googled Chuck Norris facts about bees and here's what I got:
1. Chuck Norris catches more bees with vinegar.
2. Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey, he chews bees.
3. Before studying Chuck Norris for decades, African "Killer" Bees were simply known as "Really Annoying".
4. The killer bees stopped their northern advance at Texas, cause Chuck Norris has family in Oklahoma.
5. As a child, Chuck Norris' teachers begged him not to join spelling bees... because he would only spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.

PPS I realize I'm probably the only one who still likes the whole Chuck Norris facts thing, but I'm always behind the times that way. Enjoy!

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