I'm on it.

I'm off training and working on my hospital's orthopaedics floor regularly now, and I LOVE IT. Love, love, love it. I love that no matter what the problem is, there's always someone there for backup. Not sure how to use that whatchamacallit? Ask someone. Need a bariatric-sized something or another? Ask the unit secretary to call for one. Patient getting combative? You can always call security. We never run out of the basic stuff I use to care for patients (gloves, linens, hygiene supplies) and I'm never left completely on my own to just deal with a situation. It's great. That's the benefit of being at a facility many times over the size of the GreatRep, with all different sorts of staff available.

I've also gotten to see some pretty amazingly gross stuff, like the patient who came in with the complaint of "My toe is missing. I think maybe the dog bit it off". Sure enough, the whole thing was missing, and I could see the bone right in the middle of that toe stump. I get a lot of darling little old ladies who are getting hips repaired or replaced and who are just delighted to have a young lady being the one who helps them to the bathroom. We don't get all that many amputations, which is kind of too bad because I think those are really neat and I want to see how people get back to their regular activities after one (but that's more of physical therapy/rehab deal).

All in all, I'm being exposed to a lot of new conditions/procedures/equipment and the nurses on my floor are quite nice and pleasant to work with. I feel so lucky that I happened into a floor where patients (usually) go home happier and healthier than when they came in - it makes for such a different dynamic than I've experienced before. And I have health insurance! For myself and Mr. Polly both!

NKOTB

I've started training on my actual floor of the hospital, caring for real live patients. I've learned how to use (most of) the equipment there, including my first ever go-around with electronic charting and fancy-schmancy vitals-taking machines. I have yet to have a patient accept my offer of a bed bath or a shower, so maybe these people just like to be dirty or maybe they're too high to move or maybe they just don't wanna get even a little naked in front of me? Hard to say.

Tomorrow I'll have 8 patients to care for, then for my last day of training I'll have the full 10 (my normal load).

And so far, no more fainting. Not at the blood bank, not after chugging up all the flights of stairs in the "tower", not when someone was admitted with their toe already missing, not any fainting at all. Yay me!

Now if I can just navigate the whole time-management aspect and deal with nurses who are unused to delegating anything at all, I'll be golden.

Whew!

Coming soon, Hospital CNA Polly!

I got the job!!!

I start on the 24th, it's about a 30% pay increase, and I get health insurance for myself and Mr. Polly.

For now I'm tentatively planning to still work at the GreatRep one day a week until I get busy taking more classes next semester. I'm very, very excited and nervous.

Coming soon: orthopedics floor Polly!

Floundering

I had my face-to-face interview over at Father Sainty's yesterday morning, and it went really well. The unit manager was the one who interviewed me, and she told me that I did really well and (with the prioritization scenario) answered it "just right". I should find out at the end of this week or the beginning of next week whether or not I'll be offered the job. I'm thinking I will be, which is wonderful - I can work 24 hours a week instead of 36 and make around the same amount of money. I'm going to need that extra time for homework if this week has been any indication ...

Going back to school hasn't been as smooth sailing as my professional life has been. First I found out that my financial aid wouldn't cover my Bio class (deadline was 0800 to register for it, but I'd been waitlisted and so I went and got the instructor's signature at the first class session at 1100. Too late). I freaked out until I realized I don't even need that Bio class. WHEW! The prerequisite for me to take Anatomy and Physiology I next quarter is Chem 121, which I'm in right now. Thank goodness it's my only class, because I'm woefully behind in the math.

We did an 8 problem assessment quiz in class to see how well prepared we were and I didn't even know how to do any of the 8 problems. Algebra was in high school, which was a long time ago. Instead of bursting into tears and running out of the room, I stuck around for the lecture, and then did the in-class group exercise (conversions using the dimensional analysis method and significant figures). Since this was new to all of us, I did fine with that. I just don't know how to write things in scientific notation, but my textbook should be able to tell me that, as soon as I go buy it. I stayed after and spoke to the instructor, who told me that if I'm willing to work hard and use the extra online resources, I can learn the amount of math I need in order to complete this course.

So I'm doing that. And trying not to freak out too badly.

But if I struggle this hard with every class, I can't imagine taking more than one per quarter, which means I'll be at the community college for a looooooong time.

Sigh.

Interviews

I just finished my phone screening (pre-interview) for a part-time job at Father Sainty's. I feel like it went really well, and should find out soon if I'll be called for a face-to-face interview or not.

I'm applying for a part time 2nd shift position on the orthopedic floor. The base pay over at Father Sainty's is almost $4 more per hour than my CNA pay at the Great Rep (and $2 more than I make as a Med Aide there) PLUS they have shift differentials for evenings and weekends, which is what I'd primarily be doing.

The lady I spoke to was cool, and we built enough rapport during the phone interview that I felt comfortable asking her my big question:

Since Father Sainty's just implemented CNA's, were any nurses let go in the process? What about LPN's?
I wanted to be sure I'm not walking into a situation where they've fired 3 RN's and hired 10 CNA's. The remaining RN's would start off hating me and all CNA's. Which is not good news, because they're going to be my direct supervisors. Or if they used to have LPN's and decided to do away with them in favor of all RN's supervising CNA's; that would be sticky too.

But they're actually going from an all-RN model to adding some CNA's. They never did use LPN's. And had they fired any RN's for this change?

She said no, that wasn't the case, and that while they had let some people's contracts expire without renewing them, they mainly freed up the budget by letting nurses retire. I hope that's the truth. I should try to get the scoop from my next door neighbor, because she's an RN over there.

Anyway, she didn't seem to be put off by my asking that, and answered as though it were a very reasonable question, which I think it is.

Now I just have to hold my breath for a couple of days to find out if I go get interviewed by a panel (!!!) at Father Sainty's. If I'm offered the job, I need to get details about their health insurance and how much it costs for employees, and then tally up whether I can afford to work part time there with benefits or if I need to stay full time at the Great Rep without benefits (which I'm currently paying the entire premium on).

Wish me luck!

Why Not?

Things have been about the same at work; there's a restraining order against the husband of one of my little old ladies, because the husband has been threatening to come to our facility and kill his wife and then himself. He states that he has a gun and is ready to do so. He lives within walking distance of our facility.

It's been stressful.

The new admit, the very combative one, continues to be that way. Some of it is kind of funny, like how he walked around with his underwear outside his pants for hours the other day. But it wasn't funny that he started shoving away anyone who tried to talk to him or help him change them to inside his clothes. And it's not funny that it takes 3 or more people leaping on him in order to complete any sort of care.

My classes start very soon, the week after next! I can't wait. I'm still waitlisted for one of them, but I'm #2 on the waitlist so it should be fine. I'm just nervous about the delay screwing up my financial aid, but I've been in touch with the financial aid office and they say it should be all right.

The biggest news is that I've applied for some jobs at our local hospital. We'll call it Father Sainty's. Over at Father Sainty's, they'd cut pretty much all CNA positions in an effort to save money, which has been a common trend among hospitals these days.

I don't understand it, because why would you pay a nurse much more money per hour to do something an unlicensed person like myself can do - take vitals, reposition, toilet, check blood sugars, etc.? Maybe it's because administrators assume (wrongly) that nurses can do all that AND do the jobs that only they are allowed to do at the same time. Crazy.

At any rate, Father Sainty's must have figured out that if you expect nurses to do everything, everything doesn't get done or at least not very promptly. And I'd expect that patients were unhappy with that. So they're adding back a LOT of CNA positions, and I've applied for every single part-time benefits eligible job they've got.

I have no idea what my chances of even being interviewed are, but I figured it's worth a shot. It'd be great experience, better pay, and include benefits. Which I don't have now.

I know, I know, all CNA's seem to think they should work in a hospital, as if the change in the type of facility is somehow magical and going to get rid of the worst parts of our jobs. I don't think that. I know it'll be at least as hard as what I do now, probably more so. But I've got a couple of years experience under my belt now, so I may as well try to be paid as much as possible at this while I go to school. And I won't be shocked if a patient tries to take a swing at me, or eats their own poop, or does any of the million disgusting things that I've gotten used to working with my current population. I'd miss the consistency of working with the same residents all the time, for sure, and I do still genuinely enjoy and get a kick out of people with dementia. But feeling actually in danger at work has taken away a lot of my daily happiness at the GreatRep. So leaving there wouldn't feel like as much of a loss as it would have in the past.

So, yep, I'm not holding my breath, but wish me luck anyway!

Day 4: Hell yeah I have a J-O-B

Day 4 -Do you have a job? If you do, what is it and do you like it? If not, what job would you like to have?

I have a job or two. Actually, technically I have three: I'm a CNA and a Med Aide at my facility, and I work in homecare on the side on-call.

I like my jobs. My favorite is working as a med aide, although that's the most stressful because I'm expected to juggle a wide variety of responsibilities as I'm doing my primary duties. But it's the most fun, too. My regular CNA days working the floor are usually fine. There's a few residents and coworkers I don't like dealing with, but that comes with the territory, right? And homecare is a mixed bag; it tends to be either spectacularly easy and pleasant (am I really getting paid? Right now?? To sleep in a bed in a waterfront condo and wake up for q3hr turns?? WOW!) or horrible and making me rethink my life choices (I drove all the way out here to BFE to take care of a woman in this filthy scary house and her son is showing me how to stand her up and telling me not to "play with her butt"? I clearly took a wrong turn somewhere in my past to end up here. For the next 6 hours. If I ever survive this and get home again.)

If I didn't want to work in healthcare, other jobs I would enjoy:

1. Vacuum technician at a vacuum cleaner store. I loooooooove tinkering with vacuum cleaners and seeing all the different kinds that exist in the world. I did hours of research before buying each of my (2) vacuums that I've ever owned as an adult. I can change the belts, clear clogs, etc. in no time flat. I'd be so enthusiastic about this job, I bet I'd get tips.

2. Mortician. Turns out I'm not at all afraid of dead bodies. And I'm getting better at telling family members bad news every day.

3. Working for the phone or power company to be one of those people that climbs up the phone poles or goes up in a cherry-picker to work on the transformers and to cut back tree branches that are threatening to knock down the lines. I like heights, and like being outdoors, and would like learning to work with electronics, probably.

4. Police officer. I haven't done any of this, although I did intern at a couple of juvenile detention centers and used to work with frequently incarcerated teenage boys. I can be authoritative and set clear boundaries, and am not one to panic when a violent situation breaks out. I think I'd really enjoy feeling like I was serving and protecting those that needed it, but then again, most people that get arrested are usually really, really annoying - trashy, long-winded, refuse to accept responsibility, etc. Also, just because I can keep calm during an emergency doesn't mean I'm not disturbed by it later. Like when one of my boys stabbed the other through the arm with a fork at the dinner table. Yuck.

All in all, I'm happy where I'm at. I never, ever want to work a desk job. I want to be up moving around and using my hands.

Um, what??

First, my favorite thing a resident said to me today:

I was at my cart getting meds out for the dinnertime pass when Wendy sidled up to me and quietly asked "So, have they reserved a rope and a tree for me yet?" I immediately burst out laughing and asked her where that question came from, to which she replied "I don't know, I just thought it up." and laughed as well.

Secondly, this is a note to myself:

Before accepting home care shifts, ASK A FEW QUESTIONS! I agreed to chaperon some dude to his doctor's appt via the local bus system's Dial-a-Lift on Monday. Then I got home and read the plan of care and ...
a) he lives at the CrapDorable place I used to work at briefly! Oh no. I hate that place. And the staff there, if they haven't all turned over by now, know it. So that's awkward.
b) his plan of care makes him sound like a freaking nightmare. Recovering alcoholic, combative toward staff at the crapdorable facility he lives at, multiple divorces ("DO NOT DISCUSS SPOUSES WITH CLIENT") and has threatened to kill his adult child and said child's spouse ("if this comes up, caregiver to redirect"). Oh my lord, this is going to be the longest few hours of my life.
c) he's wheelchair bound (hence the dial-a-lift) and apparently continent but is a 2 person transfer. So should he get the urge to go to the bathroom during the 4 or so hours I have him, I have to tell him ... what? "I hope you just have to pee, here's a big gulp cup you can use for a urinal." "Go ahead! All wheelchairs are destined to be pooped in anyway." "Let's see if I can get the nice receptionist to help me transfer you." Plus, given the quality of care at the crapdorable facility, chances that he'll be recently toileted and ready to go when I arrive are slim to none.

So, yeah. Polly, in the future, ask questions, you dumbass!

but yeah, I'm too broke right now to cancel this shift, so I'll just be crossing my fingers and counting my money in my head while I'm doing this terrible job

Me + Med Cart = True Love

I fricking love my new job at my same facility. I have more independence and autonomy, which is AWESOME when my coworkers are being douchebags like they were today. I'm learning a lot and becoming more med-literate, which is helping as I do my nerdy stuff like look up decision making flowcharts related to different behaviors and how to manage them. Now I can look up "screaming" on www.alzbrain.org and am familiar with some of the medications they suggest.

Also, I'm good at getting all my residents to take their meds. Even the paranoid ones. And I'm starting to remember who takes what so if I see Sally Lou limping and say "Does your foot hurt?" and she says yes, I can remember whether I give her routine tylenol or not, and go run and get it right away. Or if I see Harry starting to get hinky and rearrange his furniture while wearing lots of layers, I can think "Do I give him behavioral meds? Yes! Now might be a good time for that!"

Now I'm feeling guilty that I said my coworkers were being douchebags. Really it was only 2 out of the 12 that I saw today. And it's the same 2 that are always like that. One is just honestly very dumb, and so it's really hard to communicate with her. Example: our facility has two wings, East and West. On East, most of the residents can walk, talk and feed themselves. On West, they don't. My dimbulb coworker has been there for probably 4 months and still cannot tell you which is which. Or where each resident's room is. These are things that normal people knew within 2 weeks of working there. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, that one!

So I love getting to wheel my cart around, popping pills, doing my paperwork and phone calls to family, and not having to chase down Dimbulb to help with a 2-person transfer or Lazy to watch the floor while I go give a shower.

Oh med cart, I love you so much!

I'm in like Flynn

Had my first day of med tech/med aide training today, and I think I'm going to love it. I like getting to learn how to read the MAR's, new charting, getting familiar with all the medications and what they do, and really getting to use my brain at work for the first time in a while. Caregiving is more social intelligence and brute strength combined, and this is more being meticulous, some critical thinking, and a ton of new things to learn.

The shifts are longer (10 hours instead of 8) so that is tiring, but I'm delighted to be getting done at a time when normal people get done with work now too. I'll be working med aide 3 days a week, and caregiving in between in order to keep me at full-time.

It felt really good to have my coworkers congratulating me today as they noticed that I was wearing regular scrubs instead of the caregiving uniform ones, and I love that in this role, I get to see the whole building and almost all the residents, rather than just the one hallway at a time.

Walking around there today was like seeing a new place; the people were all the same but my focus was very different. It's kind of like when you go back and visit your elementary school and can't believe how little the desks are. Familiar, but different enough to be disconcerting and charming at the same time.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll get my book learning session in with the DON and I think I may even be working the cart on my own (!) this weekend - yikes/hooray!

Promotion

My facility is fairly small, as assisted living facilities go. We've got just under 70 residents, and usually have 1 charge nurse on shift supervising 6 caregivers/aides who take care of approximately 10 residents per shift. During regular working hours we also have the Director of Nursing and a med-tech.

All told, we've got maybe 2-3 different charge nurses for each shift, and they just take turns, and have 2 med techs. One does M-F, one does Sat-Sunday.

That doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for call-outs, so sometimes our charge nurses end up having to work a double, and this last weekend our Director of Nursing (DON) had to come in and work a med tech shift, which she didn't like doing since she also had to come be the charge nurse simultaneously. Oops! That means she had to do all the routine med passes, PLUS all the treatements and assessments PLUS all the charting by herself. Ouch.

Med techs/med aides are a fairly new position that mainly work just in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. They can hand out routine meds to people who are able to actually take them independently - meaning that I could hand them a little med cup, say "here's your medicine" and they could then take those pills. If they had to have them crushed and in applesauce, or they weren't able to comprehend that they're taking medication, the nurse has to administer it to them.

Med techs have to be trained, need to have a basic understanding of pharmacology (how drugs interact, what they do, when to give them vs. when to hold them) and be responsible enough to handle narcotics honestly and chart appropriately.

Our DON decided we need another med tech because right now there is no backup if one of our two gets sick or goes on vacation.

Normally she would advertise within the facility to see who might like to apply for it, but this time, at our meeting, she apologized for not doing so but said that she had one person in mind for the job for a while now and was glad that this person accepted the position. She'll be training the new med tech starting this week. The new med tech is ... ME!

That's right, guys, Polly is going to learn a lot of new skills, be paid a little more, get to wear cute scrubs for the first time, and get more responsibility!

This is huge for me. I'm really excited, proud, and nervous.

Med Tech Polly, coming soon!

Dementia Facility FAQ's: What family members are probably wondering.

We've had a few tours come through the GreatRep lately, as well as out-of-town family members come into town to see some of our residents. It's interesting to see how people react to the place their first time, and it made me think about what they're probably wondering but don't ask. So here's my version of what you might like to know about a dementia facility, and my answers:

1. Doesn't it bother them to know they're locked in here?
Surprisingly, no. None of my residents have ever said anything like that to me, and very few are aware that they cannot exit certain doors without setting off the alarms. We have secure courtyards they can go outside in, and we just redirect them away from the front door if they're up there fussing with the keypad (it requires a keycode to open it without setting off the alarm). People with dementia are very inwardly focused, for the most part, and get more so the more their disease progresses. So our little world inside the facility is usually big enough for them. It helps that it has a circular part of the floor plan which is good for walking/pacing.

2. Why are all those people dozing in chairs? Why aren't they awake?
The most common answer is that most of them don't sleep all through the night. I just worked my first overnight shift at the GreatRep and was very surprised at how often I was informing people that no, it's still the middle of the night, and helping them back to bed. I figure that even the ones who can't get up and talk probably spend a good portion of their time in bed awake too, so they just kind of doze off whenever they're tired. They're on more of a 24-hour schedule, like a newborn. And yes, if they're hungry or thirsty in the night, we give them snacks.

3. Why is that lady making that noise/yelling for help/hitting that chair?
I don't know. Sometimes repeating the same words or phrase over and over is soothing for people with dementia, it's called perseveration. Unfortunately, sometimes that phrase is something hard to listen to, such as "help me help me help me" or "hurry up hurry up" or a repetitive action, like banging on whatever is in front of them. We try to mitigate, redirect, and keep them occupied with other things but there's nothing we can really do to make someone stop doing a behavior like that.

4. What about privacy? Won't you sometimes be doing some things in front of other residents? We had a family member complain this week because the podiatrist was in to do foot care, and was set up in a room at the end of the hall which isn't closed off from the hall. They thought it was inappropriate to do foot care out in the open. The thing is, you have to consider the logistics; sometimes there isn't enough space in each person's room to set up a podiatry station. Also, see #1 about the inward focus. Very few of the residents pay too much attention to what the other residents are doing for any long span of time. Some have friendships and stick together, but then they don't mind if their friend is present while their feet are being worked on. We don't change their clothes or use the restroom in front of others, and if they're getting a brief change in bed, their roomate is asleep/cannot see over to their side of the room plus it's still quite dark.

5. Why are you feeding them? Why are they incontinent?It just happens that way; over time, almost everyone become incontinent to some extent, and eventually they stop feeding themselves. That's why they're getting 24-hour care now. We use mechanical lifts called sit-to-stands so that we can still give everyone the chance to use the toilet, and whether they void on it or not is up to them. That's what the briefs are for. I think this is probably one of the biggest reasons I'd have a hard time keeping someone at home and caring for them myself. Everyone incontinent really should be changed approximately every 2 hours. I couldn't do that at home. We've got a full staff and we all get to go home and sleep between shifts, which is why we're able to do our jobs well. Having worked in this field and seen how hard it is, I think I would be totally willing to put myself or a loved one in a good care facility; I just don't see how it'd be feasible to do otherwise.

Day 17: Highs and Lows of the Past Year

Low is easy: when I was working noc shift at the Crapdorable place and day shifts in home care. I often only got to sleep in 2-3 hour stretches as a time. I was exhausted. And the physical labor of the crapdorable place was overwhelming, as was the sadness at the neglect the residents endured. There was a woman there who was so covered in boils and pressure sores that there was only one position she could be in (in her bed) and often the boils would pop and leak fluid as I tried to change her brief without hurting her. And I don't care what anyone says, there is absolutely no reason for 94 year olds to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor. God, I hated that place.

High is pretty easy too: once we bought the store and had it running smoothly, and I cut down to one job (that I usually enjoy) and began having free time again. I love being able to leave work and know the residents will be well taken care of while I'm gone. And I love having free time to spend with Mr. Polly again! As soon as I finish my CNA course I'm going to prioritize spending time with friends as well, since it's been a while since I've done that as much as I'd like to. Oh and COOKING! I can't wait to start cooking again!

Getting registered for fall quarter has been a big high as well - I'm so excited to start taking concrete steps toward nursing school!!!

Day 03: My Views on Drugs and Alcohol.

I just worked a 12 hour day, so this will be short and not-so-sweet:

Drugs: YES. Halidol, Ativan, Antipsychotics, and anything that makes those combative residents stop BITING me (yes that really happened tonight).

Illegal Drugs: No thanks. I'll stick to my ibuprofen.

Alcohol: Rarely. I went through a phase when I was younger when I used to binge drink, which was not the greatest plan. Now I almost never drink at all, and stick to just one or two. Mr. Polly says I have the tolerance of an 11 year old.

True story: Just now I was telling Mr. what I'm writing about and now he's going to get us some Riesling. Because I ache from head to toe and because I got BITTEN BY A GROWN WOMAN! I think a glass of wine and some Jeopardy or Smallville sounds like a good way to end my day.

P-P-Pollyface has a P-P-P-Plan

The other day I got to play that dancing game for the kinect at a friend's house, and it is SO FUN. But now I think everything in a Lady Gaga way, which is why the title of this entry is full of P-P-P's like P-P-P-Pokerface. I also have been saying scu-ruh-huh-huh-hubs instead of scrubs.

Anway, the point is I have a Plan. Remember how I said I needed to get my butt into school to be a nurse so that I don't have to work this hard for this little money for the rest of my life? Well, I'm registered.

First I'm going to finally go get my CNA Certification, which will get me a (tiny) raise at my current job, and make me qualified to work in a Skilled Nursing Facility if I decide to leave my current job for a different place. I'll also be qualified to work in a hospital but that's more of a pipe dream; most CNA's would like to work in one, but pretty much every CNA works in long term care instead.

Secondly, I did my admission to our local Community College for fall quarter of 2011 to start doing my prereqs. Yeah buddy! I'll keep working while I'm in school, of course, so I'll probably just do one class per quarter. We'll see. I need to get good grades in them so I can be admitted to that baccelaureate program I want to get into to convert my BA into a BSN. So if I want to be a Straight-A Polly, I should probably make sure I'm also Has Time To Sleep Polly.

Look at me, I'm bettering myself! Not buttering myself. Maybe if I buttered myself, I could join the Haus Of Gaga. But buttering myself wouldn't be vegan. Or pleasant.

2010 Review; Will I finally NOT talk about work?

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Bought a business (unrelated to nursing, my husband and I now co-own a small business in the town we live in).
Set a cookie sheet full of marshmallows on fire trying to make a toasted marshmallow milkshake on Valentines day.
Started watching Season One of Smallville and fell completely in love with that show.
Crocheted a very ugly "ruffly" scarf, and then donated it to Goodwill. Oops.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Er . . . some of them. I found a job I like that is full-time. I didn't stop drinking Diet Coke (far from it!) or get my NA certification, or spend a week eating raw. Ooops.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. That's fine, I think birth-giving is gross, although I like babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope. Several residents did, so I got to experience death up-close for the first time, but I wouldn't say I was especially close to any of them.

5. What countries did you visit? I didn't travel.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Education. I want to go get my g.d. prerequisites DONE.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Maybe my birthday (March 18th) because I had a mysteriously swollen lip, took benadryl, started mildly hallucinating and then went out for mexican food and to see Alice in Wonderland. I made friends with a group of ladies wearing moustaches along the way.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Surviving all those months of working 2-3 jobs at a time so that we could stay afloat until we officially bought the business.

9. What was your biggest failure? Lack of going to school or progress in my career.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Oh sure. I also got very afraid of zombies.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you? An election. That's all I can say.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Everyone who helped repeal DADT.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The dept. head that I got into it with the other day.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent and food. Pretty important stuff, actually.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG! Best Disney movie in AGES! So, so good!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? "Almost There" from the Princess and the Frog. Watch that part of the movie. See her cleaning out the cobwebs from that building so she can open her business in there? That's ME! See her getting home from one job, laying down for 5 seconds, then getting up to go to her next job? That was ME! Anika Noni Rose, you put voice to my life in cartoon form this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A LOT happier. By about a million times.
b) fatter or skinner? Same-ish? Maybe skinnier?
c) richer or poorer? Same-ish?

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Panhandling outside the Black Bear Diner in a bear costume by pretending to be a "Grrrrrr-eeter"

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worked until I could fall asleep standing up.

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas? Already done! Worked 6am-2pm Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Eve, I stayed home with my husband, had dinner, opened gifts, and watched SmallVille. Day, I visited family which was fun but stupid because we were out till almost midnight and I worked at . . . guess when . . . 6am the next day. Ouch.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? I stayed in love. November was our 8th anniversary and we're still very happy together and laugh a lot. It's pretty great.

22. How many one night stands? I don't have a night stand, I have a shelf by the bed to keep my books and glass of water on. And as mentioned before, I'm married. I did have, unfortunately, lots of nights where I had to stand up all night when I worked noc shift. NEVER AGAIN!

23. What was your favorite TV program? Smallville! I also liked Nikita. And Top Chef: Just Desserts. And Nurse Jackie and Scrubs on DVD.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yeah, I hate and always will hate the douche we bought our business from for making 2010 one of the hardest years of my life by being almost impossible to negotiate with. What could have been a pleasant process turned into months of me working nonstop trying to keep it together while that asshat dithered around bitching about nonexistent things and ruining his wife's life. I hate him for that.

25. What was the best book you read? Meg Cabot's Insatiable. That woman cracks me up and I was DELIGHTED that she wrote a vampire book. Made my month!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Rebirth Brass Band. Iron Maiden.

27. What did you want and get? To be a small business owner!

28. What did you want and not get? My NA certification. But I will soon.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I've been talking about it nonstop, so let's say it together: "The Princess and the Frog". Even has John Goodman in it! I love him too much.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Inadvertently tripped on benadryl at the age of 28. Sheesh. I'm awesome.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To get to play one of those dancing videogames where it watches you with a camera and you dance around.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Scrubs/PJ's/Jeans and Goodwill.

33. What kept you sane? Hoodoo.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ryan Reynolds.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare reform.

36. Who do you miss? All those dumb hooches (college friends) that decided to move across the country. I miss them!

37. Who was the best new person you met? There is this dog that comes into our small business. His name is Legion. He's all low-key and nonchalant and doesn't even need a leash, ever. You can talk to him all casually and he gets what you're saying.

38. What was the best thing you ate? Red beans and rice with tempeh was my quick-and-easy staple.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010? Don't give up. Keep trying, and there are always more jobs out there; don't feel trapped in one you hate. But get a new one before you quit.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
There's been trials and tribulations
You know I've had my share
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
I'm almost there!

The Tattletale Diaries

Sometimes, in Long Term Care, there's drama among employees. Shocker, right? I generally stay out of it, which has been particularly easy with how often I've changed jobs over the past year. The only one that's been constant was the HomeCare Agency and I worked solo there, only seeing other employees if we were doing a shift change or at the occasional meeting.

I'm also a firm believer in handling minor conflicts myself. It's really not that hard to say "hey, that bothered me" or "In the future can you please ..." to a coworker. It's a little harder to say to a supervisor.

Up until today I had only reported one other employee at any of these jobs; at the Crapdorable place, one of the caregivers was so rough with the residents that they would hold off on using the bathroom or going to bed until shift change so that they wouldn't have to be handled by him. Many of them told me this, more than once. So obviously, I reported him. And felt no unsureness doing so - I'd also have happily told him to his face, and did jump in to stop him once when I observed it firsthand.

So when, yesterday, one of the Department Heads interrupted an activity with our residents and started talking badly about gay people in front of everyone I had a problem with it. And I let her know, right then and there. And she wasn't deterred. Seriously, this woman STOPPED AN ACTIVITY for the old people and started talking about the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. And how servicemen and women shouldn't have to shower with gays. And that gay sex "doesn't work" (illustrated with hand gestures). And that at best, she could "love the sinner but hate the sin".

My responses, for the record were, 1. If the most uncomfortable thing a soldier has to deal with DURING A WAR is showering with someone else, he is doing very well indeed. They know they're signing up for all sorts of horrific things, and if anyone is willing to do so, they should be able to. 2. Ew, that's gross, please stop with the gestures. 3. Oh . . . kaaaaaay?

It was astoundingly inappropriate and uncomfortable. And it was all in front of the people we're there to take care of. And she only stopped when, finally, the charge nurse came into the room and changed the subject.

So, since me cutting her off with "I have several gay family members and don't like hearing that stuff" at the beginning of her rant didn't work, I went over her head today. And was nervous about it.

And it went really, really well. I talked to my Director of Nursing, who asked me some questions about it (and sounded genuinely shocked that all this happened in front of the residents) and asked me to give her a little written statement, and promised she and the other Boss Lady would handle it. And to let her know if I catch any flak for this from the Homophobic Dept. Head.

Hooray!

I'm so relieved. I do really like working there (really enjoy almost all my coworkers and the residents I care for) and was super disappointed by this. But as long as it gets fixed, I can keep being happy where I work and proud of the place where I do it.

We Heart Volunteers

We get a fair amount of volunteerism at the GreatRep. There are people that bring in dogs to visit with the residents, people that come read aloud to everyone, people that do crafts, people that put on musical performances. You'd think that all our volunteers would be pretty normal, but they're not. They're often just as weird as the rest of us in there (staff and residents both). There's the guy that comes to sing and play guitar almost every week, who's incredibly tone-deaf. There are people whose ideas of "activities" are so half-baked that I really worry they're going to get scared and leave. There are people who set off the exit alarm every. single. time. they come and go.

My favorite are the well-meaning oddballs. We've gotten lots of them lately, it being holiday season and all.

Yesterday was extra awesome because the musical volunteer of the day looked a lot like If Wayne Newton Dressed Like Merle Haggard. He had a special synthesizer-thingie that made his backup music, and a microphone and everything. He set up in the dining room, so we brought anyone who was willing in to listen to him while we passed out snack.

First of all, you've gotta have balls to show up and sing to a room full of people with dementia; they're not your typical audience and they won't be shy to let you know if they dislike what you're doing. And if they do like it, they may not show that at all. So I give the guy credit for that, plus he really did have a very nice voice. He sang Christmas songs for the most part, and did it well.

The part that really made him the December Standout in my book is that he'd stop between songs to do a little patter as if this were a nightclub. So after a rousing rendition of Rudolph, here's what we were treated to:

"So a few years back, my wife and I were driving home from cutting our Christmas tree and she looks out the window and sees some reindeer in the field we're passing by. She's shocked because she didn't know that reindeer were a real animal! So we pull over, and walk around the truck, and go up to the fence and look at the reindeer. About now I decide it's time to play a little joke on my wife. So I says to her 'Honey, what you might also not know about reindeer is that if you talk to 'em, they'll talk back to you.' She looks at me skeptically, but I'm insisting here, 'No baby, really, go up to one, and say niff and it'll say niff right back to you!' She told me I was full of it. So I tells her again 'Just say niff niff to them, it'll work! They'll say niff back to you.' "

(he went on like that for a while repeating "niff" a few more times to make sure we all knew he was trying to get his wife to say "niff" to the reindeer)

"I said really, I know it's strange, but you just go right up to them and say niff..."

which is when LeeLee (resident) decided she's heard "niff" enough times and interjected "What the hell is that?" which then made me laugh hard and silently.

Her reaction was way funnier than the climax to his story, which was that he came around the side of the truck and heard his wife whispering niff to the reindeer to see if it was true, and he laughed at her.

LeeLee knows what's up. "Niff"??? Really. What the hell IS that?

Odds & Ends

I finished up my evening shift training this week, and it's official: I like 2nd shift better. Not having to wake up at 5am is a big plus, as is only having one meal (dinner) during the shift. The sundowning residents are a drawback. The biggest reason is the coworkers, though. The eve shift coworkers are much more laid back and helpful - day shift coworkers have (99% of the time) been helpful with me (probably because I'm new) but with one another? Not always. Plus one showed up with a disgusting infected finger and was about to go out on the floor to work until we all basically tackled her and got the charge nurse to look at it and send her to a clinic STAT. Ew. No common sense on that coworker, that's for sure.

Tip for the common sense impaired: if any part of your body is swollen and infected, and especially if it's leaking pus, GO HOME AND GO TO THE DOCTOR. Infection can spread to your bloodstream and kill you.

Moving on.

Funniest conversation I had with a resident this week:

Lady (freshly out of the shower, seated safely on dry chair & towel): Can you dry my back?

Me: Sure, here we go.

Coworker pops in, hands me a med cup full of ointment: This is her ointment from the nurse, can you put it on when you do her pericare?

Me: Sure, where?

Coworker: (makes incomprehensible hand gestures)

Me: Bottom or vagina?

Coworker: vagina.

Me: okay thanks.

Lady: Are you gonna put that on my vagina?

Me: Yes Ma'm, I am.

Lady: Do you know what you're doing?

Me: Yes Ma'm, I have my gloves on so I won't give you any germs, and I do know how to do this.

Lady: Well... all right then. Wait a minute. Are you married? (giving me the suspicious stink-eye)

Me (heroically not laughing): Yes Ms. Smith, I'm married. I promise this will not be a personal thrill for me, I just want you to stay healthy, and this is my job. Okay?

Lady (relived): Oh all right then.

I swear, I never know what these people are going to come up with. And what was up with my coworker's crazy gestures? I'm going to do that to her next time I see her. In no world is what she did a gesture for vagina. Maybe "pick up a lobster this way" or "the elves heads are shaped this way" but not "vagina not hiney".

Coolest medical phenomenon I saw this week: Raynaud's phenomenon. It's not harmful or painful or anything, just a startling color change in extremeties when someone is exposed to temperature change. Such as getting out of a warm shower. One of my resident's fingers looked a lot like this photo from wikipedia (the bananafingers not the blue ones). Charge nurse checked and confirmed that was all it was, and they were back to normal very quickly. I'd heard about Raynaud's on a podcast but hadn't seen it in person before, so that was cool.


Other than that, I'm doing my state-required training for the last 3 days of the week, so that'll be boring but maybe useful, and definitely not too tough. Which is good since I burned up my throat with an unfortunate burrito-from-taco-truck choice yesterday and it's still sore, so it's nice not to have to speak EXTRA LOUD for anyone for a bit. Sidenote - wish I could handle spicy food better.

Eeek.

Sometimes I want to hate doctors for no reason. Sometimes I probably wouldn't hate them for whatever if I actually understood what their reasoning is for things. This is probably one of those times. There must be a perfectly good reason for requiring a clean-catch urine sample to diagnose a UTI even if the patient has had UTI's in the past and the care staff can easily recognize the signs. Even if the nurse could do a dip on a regular sample or send that out to the lab for verification.

(note: UTI = urinary tract infection; little old ladies get these a lot and they can cause pain, low-grade fever and increased confusion. They're fixable with antibiotics.)

But it seems stupid and mean to me, the lowly caregiver, that we have to hold still a really sweet lady with dementia, and the nurse has to put in a catheter for a few seconds so we can get that elusive clean-catch urine sample. We were all almost in tears at the end of it; I held one hand and food, a coworker held the other two, the nurse did the cath, and another caregiver held the light for the nurse so she could do it as fast and accurately as possible. Our poor resident was upset, we were upset, and I thought the Doctor Is Stupid. We got our resident cleaned up and into jammies and tucked into bed, and then she was okay.

I hope there's some good reason for this though. Or if not, that we don't have to do this to my poor resident again.