Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Patience

One of my favorite, and oldest, little old ladies died recently at the GreatRep (the dementia care facility that I still work part time at).

Patience was seriously a bad-ass. She was the oldest living person I've ever met, at several years past 100. She still walked, fed herself, and talked when she died. She was chronically cranky, hated to get up early in the mornings, so we always let her sleep in and woke her up after everyone else had eaten their breakfasts. She was known for her particular style of combativeness - Patience would grab your scrub top's neckline, haul you in, and scratch the bejesus out of you while she shrieked "ouch! Owww! Hurting me!!".

But that's not all Patience was, of course. She still had a great sense of humor, and often seemed aware that her increasing deafness was a good source of entertainment. One day, in the dining room, she incited a food fight with another resident, a man. When the med tech on duty approached her to redirect her, she said "Patience, you're such a rascal!" and Patience stared at her for a beat, then said "I'm such an asshole?!?" then laughed maniacally.

Patience would constantly sing in a low, grumbling monotone, similar to her speaking voice. Very old songs, like Springtime in the Rockies, or The Battle Hymn of the Republic. She'd also talk out loud, verbalizing her thoughts, which she may or may not have been aware she was doing. If you were walking by her and stopped to say hello, give her a kiss, or wave at her, she'd often mumble "that one smiled. That one smiled. That one was happy." in her repetitive, robotic voice.

My favorite ever moment with Patience was when I was trying to put her to bed one night. She was being very resistive to standing up, not wanting to leave her comfy couch in the living room and walk down to her room. Patience had never had children of her own, but was a devoted aunt whose nieces and nephews still visited her until the end of her life. So, trying a different approach, I said "Auntie Patience, I want to go to bed but I'm scared to walk there by myself. Will you take me?". She grudgingly pulled herself up with her walker and headed to her room with me. She used the bathroom, brushed her teeth, put on her nightgown, and then, to my surprise, plopped down on her coffee table! She leaned back, pointed at the bed, and said, in her deadpan way, "Go ahead. You sleep now, I'll watch you. You go to bed. I'm here." Just thinking about that is enough to make me cry.

It's not often that the staff at a nursing home really loves and adores a combative resident, but we all loved Patience. Who else would repeatedly strip in the common area, to the point we had to go plunk her in her room where the nudity was more appropriate? And then when we checked on her later, we found her wearing only panties and a bedsheet tied around her neck like Superman's cape, singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

So, Patience, you were a delight. I miss you already. And I know you would understand that it's with great affection that I share the following photo of what you reminded me of at the breakfast table every morning, since you never mellowed out enough to get your hair combed until you'd been up for a few hours.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Day 8: Drifting

8 - Who’s someone that you used to be really close to, but you’re not anymore?

All through middle and high school I had two close friends. One of them I'm still close to, the other I recently "broke up" with. The one I broke up with, 'Erin' has issues, y'all. She and I were both way dorky in middle school, and originally bonded over being teased and being in the gifted program together. In high school I became more outgoing, and though I was still definitely a weirdo I didn't get picked on or made fun of anymore. I didn't hang out with cheerleaders or anything, and I was still in honors classes (as was Erin) but I had my own social life and was content with it. Erin stayed a little more on the awkward end of the spectrum, and continued to catch some flak for it.

After high school, Erin and my other close girl friend went to the same university, while I took a year off to work, get healthy, and save up money for college. I visited them on their campus, and Erin formed her own social circle there, which was great to see. She got a first boyfriend, and graduated school, and moved across the country for grad school. We stayed buddies thorughout all this, although Erin would have periodic freak-outs where she'd do stupid stuff like randomly send me a letter bitching me out about something I did when we were, like, 15 years old. But I'd shrug them off and she'd get over it until the next time.

We stayed buddies after I got married, and after Erin dropped out of her second go-around with grad school.

Then when she was home visiting her parents one Christmas, Erin had another one of her weird freak-outs where she said she was going to stop by and see me and my family at my Mom's house, then didn't. When I called her about it she was all twitchy and strange and defensive. I dunno. Not that out of character for her. When I told her I thought it was rude to say you would be somewhere and then not show up, she got mad, and that's pretty much the last time we talked. I tried to engage her about what it is she was upset about and what she wanted to happen, and her response was that we aren't close and the only way we would become close again is if I lived in her town (across the country) and we saw each other daily and since that's not going to happen we've got no chance.

Um, okay? Because that's how most adult friendships work, right? You live down the street from one another and go play after school I mean work? Whatever, Erin. It's entirely possible to keep friendships going after you grow up and move apart. My other close friend from high school lives about an hour away from Erin and she and I still talk often.

So yeah, Erin's little freak-out periods got to be a bit much and I didn't feel like chasing her down to apologize over nothing, so I didn't. Our other mutual friends say it's basically the same streak she's always had, plus that she's got this serious boyfriend that she apparently doesn't want to know that she was a geek in her past (I think he'll be able to figure that one out, people) and so perhaps that's why she's avoiding childhood friends. Lame.

I hate girl friend drama. I'm so glad that my other friends and I can have arguments and work things out like normal people.