Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Opposite of the Tooth Fairy

One of the things I was really excited about when I got my job at the GreatRep was that (although I don't have health insurance) I get dental insurance! I used to love going to the dentist when I was a kid and never had a cavity.

So I happily made an appointment for the first time in 8 or 9 years. Woohoo, I thought! I'll get a cleaning and be on my way. Plus the dentist I picked is kind of gimmicky and they give you a paraffin wax hand treatment and free tooth whitening if you're a new patient with them. It'd be nice! Like going to get a haircut, right?

I was wrong. So wrong.

They did x-rays, and then said I had 5 cavities. Oh no. I got scared.

Then they said they could fix all 4 little ones right then and there, and I wouldn't even need to be numbed. I relaxed and thought okay, this must not be any big deal.

Then I found myself with my jaw jacked open wide by a plastic tubey mouthguard that was sucking up all my spit, fighting off panic as the dentist drilled into my teeth and it smelled like something was burning and my only means of communication was to raise one of my stupid flippered hands (still sandwiched into giant oven mitt thingies because of the stupid paraffin wax). Raise my left hand if I'm not okay? OW! I wanted to raise my left middle finger.

Anyway, I got the damn slippers off my hands so I could at least give a thumbs up or down, and got some numbing something to help me make it through the end of Fire And Brimstone In My Mouth.

My God, no wonder people hate going to the dentist! I never understood until now. But I have to go back 2 more times this month. And get the muscle inside my mouth (the one that's just below where a labret piercing would go) cut and cauterized. Oh shoot. This is not the way I remember trips to the dentist, people. Everyone now has my sympathy. Everyone with and without teeth, bless your hearts, every single one of you.

And here's a visual of the labret piercing. Not mine, I don't have one. All I have is an about-to-be-slaughtered muscle behind there. Crap.

Maybe I can give the dentist one. With a dull needle.


  1. HO-LY crap. I have been putting of a dentist visit for longer than I care to say.

    Now I think you have convinced me to put it off even longer.

  2. Your experience sounds like what my regular appt. was like when I was younger for the dentist. I always had the gas mask and always had cavities to be filled.
    That's why I dread so much going as an adult and will boycott going until after I'm a nurse and can maybe afford the bills that will pile up from the work done in my mouth.

  3. Hey Kiddo,

    After I had a reaction to the novacaine at age 7, and sprayed vomit all over the dentist's office windows, walls and unamused dentist and staff...they never gave me any again. So, I spent the next 15 years getting dental work without any drug aids. Even the word dentist drill causes my whole body to shake in fear and pain.