1. When I was a kid I used to play circus with my dogs and pretend they were lions that I was taming. I'd put my hand in their mouths to show how they wouldn't bite me, and they didn't. Nice dogs!
2. I like dogs still. I'm afraid of cats.
3. Still. Even though I'm pushing 30. I think cats are scary.
4. Other fears: mirrors, aquariums, and people moving in unnatural ways.
5. Not little aquariums, not fishtanks. But the big ones that are a wall full or (oh god) the dome ones you could go into if you were insane? I hate those.
6. "Unnatural movement" meaning how people crawl all creepy in horror movies.
7. I have big teeth. But they're very straight because I had braces as a kid.
8. I'm vegan.
9. I brush my teeth with fennel toothpaste. I LOVE fennel, anise, and black licorice.
10. I don't really understand pranks. I think they're funny, but when I try to come up with my own, they're incredibly lame.
11. My worst "prank" was writing a love letter from a shed to a house. Pathetic.
12. I called in to Loveline one time to ask if anal bleaching was real or not, and forgot to make it clear that I wasn't wanting to bleach my own butt, I'd just read that Laura Flynn Boyle bleaches hers and couldn't believe it.
13. For the record, I have never bleached my own or anyone else's butt.
14. But if you paid me I would bleach yours.
15. I see butts all day at work. I'm used to it now.
16. I was briefly a drama geek in high school.
17. Briefly was plenty for drama geekery.
18. I also joined the track team and then refused to run in a single meet because I was too nervous about people watching me.
19. I did that for two years. My coach gave up on me 1.5 years in, which I think shows remarkable patience on his part.
20. When I was 4, my dream job was to work at Dairy Queen.
21. I called my paternal grandparents "Mam-Maw and Pap-Paw" because they're from West Virginia and that's what you do there.
22. Both Mam-Maw and Pap-Paw have passed away, but I loved them tons and tons and I miss them. They were a blast.
23. In college, I didn't join any clubs or anything. But I had a good time anyway.
24. I taught Mr. Polly what a dutch oven is. The hard way.
25. On our honeymoon, we went to Las Vegas and to Zion National Park.
26. Immediately following our wedding, I freaked out because I was A Wife and was worried that I had to start acting differently.
27. I never started acting like A Wife, really. I mean, I cook and clean but I also still do all the weird stupid stuff I've always loved to do.
28. When I was a nanny, I let the kids go fishing using gummy worms as bait.
29. When I was a nanny, I made a lot more money than I do now.
30. I have a mean right hook. I've knocked grown men right off their feet with it. But I don't do that anymore. I would if I were getting mugged or something, but not for fun anymore. Because I'm mature now.