Um, what??

First, my favorite thing a resident said to me today:

I was at my cart getting meds out for the dinnertime pass when Wendy sidled up to me and quietly asked "So, have they reserved a rope and a tree for me yet?" I immediately burst out laughing and asked her where that question came from, to which she replied "I don't know, I just thought it up." and laughed as well.

Secondly, this is a note to myself:

Before accepting home care shifts, ASK A FEW QUESTIONS! I agreed to chaperon some dude to his doctor's appt via the local bus system's Dial-a-Lift on Monday. Then I got home and read the plan of care and ...
a) he lives at the CrapDorable place I used to work at briefly! Oh no. I hate that place. And the staff there, if they haven't all turned over by now, know it. So that's awkward.
b) his plan of care makes him sound like a freaking nightmare. Recovering alcoholic, combative toward staff at the crapdorable facility he lives at, multiple divorces ("DO NOT DISCUSS SPOUSES WITH CLIENT") and has threatened to kill his adult child and said child's spouse ("if this comes up, caregiver to redirect"). Oh my lord, this is going to be the longest few hours of my life.
c) he's wheelchair bound (hence the dial-a-lift) and apparently continent but is a 2 person transfer. So should he get the urge to go to the bathroom during the 4 or so hours I have him, I have to tell him ... what? "I hope you just have to pee, here's a big gulp cup you can use for a urinal." "Go ahead! All wheelchairs are destined to be pooped in anyway." "Let's see if I can get the nice receptionist to help me transfer you." Plus, given the quality of care at the crapdorable facility, chances that he'll be recently toileted and ready to go when I arrive are slim to none.

So, yeah. Polly, in the future, ask questions, you dumbass!

but yeah, I'm too broke right now to cancel this shift, so I'll just be crossing my fingers and counting my money in my head while I'm doing this terrible job