Shift Reports

One of my absolute favorite parts of my job at the facility is coming in and catching up on the week's shift reports. Each shift (day, evening, noc/overnight) the aides and nurses write down anything notable that applies to our residents. That way, each shift, as they come on, gets a verbal report where we hit the highlights (Mr. Smith needs to catch the bus to go to the bank, Mrs. Jones fell earlier, Mr. Brown is drunk again) and then can read in the shift report for any further details.

Generally what makes the reports funny is what our residents have been up to. This week, for instance included the following gems:

Noc shift "Mr. X paged at 4am. When I responded to his call light, he asked where his daughters are. I told him they had gone home two days ago and would be back to visit again soon. Resident was confused, asked, 'Well ain't I in heaven?'. Told him he's still alive and was probably dreaming. He said 'ok' and went back to sleep."

Apparently heaven is a giant nursing home where we all have page buttons to ask the big questions in life, or get our briefs changed. Who knew?

I also liked: Noc shift "Went in at 3am for location verification check on flight-risk resident in apt. 123. She woke and started screaming for me to 'Get the hell out'. Resident was in correct location, as expected."

Then there are the ones that are funny because of typos or spelling errors that the staff has made. I was signing off on all our new care plans for our new residents yesterday, and saw that apparently one old man is "ablaze to get in and out of bed unassisted". Damn, he must be motivated!

I also like ones along the lines of "resident has a bruise on butt cheek" or "small sores on both sides of the crack". Descriptive and clear, just not professional. Same with "Evening shift please remember to take out so-and-so's bathroom trash before she goes to bed. No one can stand the stench".

My final favorite things to see in the shift reports are about our residents who hide the stuff they don't like. Don't think that TED hose (tight socks for diabetics) are comfortable? Hide them. Dislike your dentures? Stash them somewhere weird. I love seeing "Housekeeping found TED hose under bed. Told resident if he keeps hiding them his daughters will have his doctor prescribe another pair at his expense. States he doesn't care and will never wear them. TED hose missing again". And "upper dentures found wedged in easy chair cushions. Removed and cleaned, put in soaking cup with polident. AM shift, please encourage resident to wear them tomorrow".

Shift report logs = comedy gold, don't you think?