The other morning I got a really funny shift report, which was "Charge nurse on evening shift discovered resident trying to order pay-per-view movie entitled 'Slutty Girls Do It For Money'. Resident was not successful." my DON's comment was "Are you sure? I thought 'slutty girls' did it for free." and the dayshift charge nurse suggested that "No it's homely girls that do it for free.". What other line of work would you be having this chat at 7 in the morning?
Anyway, it reminded me I haven't shared any of my favorite shift reports with you people lately, and that's a shame!
So here's one "Caregiver accidentally bumped resident's head on headboard while transferring into bed. Resident did not complain of pain, but stated that she was now dead, and that the caregiver had killed her. Resident shows no signs of injury or death."
"Resident complaining of tiredness, has been walking around all day looking for her 'midget'. None has been found."
"Mr. X and Mrs. Y may not be seated at the same dinner table any more due to throwing food and splashing liquids at one another." came after a 102 yr. old woman started a food fight.
"Resident given an anti-anxiety drug due to her persistent belief that her roomate's oxygen concentrator was going to
kill her, despite it not being turned on."