Monday, December 13, 2010

Picture David Letterman reading this aloud

Top Ten Ways you know Polly had a Difficult Shift
(her first evening shift off training, to boot!)

10. She missed the nurse giving report because she had to run and catch a man that was trying to walk but couldn't.

9. During report, she would have discovered that not only couldn't this man walk, but he was trying to because he needed to poo approximately every ten minutes.

8. She also would have found out that she needed to obtain a urine sample.

7. Since coworkers filled her in, she got the urine sample. And also got her own pants covered with someone else's tarry black poo.

6. The highlight of her night was when one old lady, overhearing another one screaming away in the shower room, looked at her and said "Is that YOUR baby?!?" incredulously.

5. Her proudest achievement of the evening was a toss-up between getting one lady to drink her milk by spoon-feeding it to her, and getting another to remove her dentures.

4. 10pm found her so sweaty from transferring this suddenly non-weight-bearing man that she needed to change all her clothes.

3. 11pm finds her in clean clothes, muscles so knotted that her husband gave her a drink before even trying to un-knot her shoulders.

2. She walked in the door wearing highwater stretchy corduroy pants from the lost and found, because her own scrubs were covered in that black tarry poo from before.

1. Contents of Polly's car: 1 pair scrubs, bagged up, waiting to be laundered and disinfected. One empty diet coke.


  1. Wow...makes me look forward to my final accident, so I won't end up like your non-walking poo bear of a patient. Ugh! :-)

  2. Oh no, I really love that lady, I'd be so sad if she died. I am just used to seeing her early in the day, when she can stand. Apparently she's tired by evening, so when I stood her up after using the restroom, her legs gave out. I jumped in to be a human chair so she wouldn't fall, which is how I got tarred. Not her fault at all, just another day in the life of Polly! :)