#2 of 64

This one is pretty straightforward: The meaning behind your blog name.

Well folks, I blog about work and I used to wear scrubs and crocs to work. Hence the blog name. Now I wear scrubs and New Balance sneakers, but that's not quite as catchy plus I don't want to change my blog address.

So there you have it.

And the crocs I used to wear (due to white-only shoes rule) were hideous! Like this:

#1 of 64

Sometimes I feel at a loss for what to post here - I can't always share what's happening at work, and I rarely share what's going on in my personal life. So I bust out the blog topic challenges!

And this one's a doozy - 64 topics. I'm not trying to do a new one daily, though. That would be insane, with how work and school is going this quarter. But I do plan to get through all of them!

So, Topic #1: Introduce yourself with a recent picture and 15 interesting facts

Sorry dudes, no pictures of me on here. That might mess with my whole anonymous vibe.

And 15 interesting facts about me...

1. I love ballet and do DVD's of it at home.

2. My Mam-Maw could really turn a phrase, and said that when she was younger, she wouldn't have touched my Pap-Paw "if he'd'a been on an ice cream stick". She later changed her mind and married him.

3. I can turn a phrase too. Especially when I blurt out things without thinking first. I referred to a winter hat with ear-covers as having "Fudd Flaps" which Mr. Polly was delighted by.

4. I want to like gardening, but I suspect I secretly hate it. That's so awful of me! Maybe I'd feel differently if I had a yard?

5. If I were a character in Alice in Wonderland, I would want to be the Caterpillar, but suspect I might end up being one of the cards.

6. I'm jealous of Bill Nighy's strut and swagger.

7. I call Bill Nighy's character in Pirates of the Carribean "Tentacle Bill".

8. I'm afraid of depths (like in the ocean) and of very large aquariums, but not for the same reasons.

9. When I'm tired, I develop a southern slurred speech pattern that my friend described as sounding like Adam Sandler in "The Waterboy". I haven't seen that movie but I'm pretty sure I ought to be insulted by that.

10. I get nervous and inappropriate around religious clergy of all stripes and am pretty sure I weirded out this chaplain intern that was at my hospital this week. And I outed myself as an atheist too. And I blushed so much that he either thinks I'm in love with him or I have rosacea.

11. Sometimes I'd rather change someone's diaper than have to talk to them. This is more about whether I'm feeling chatty and less about my love of diaper changing. Sometimes I really hate talking to people.

12. I loooooooooooooove Thumbelina, the world's smallest horse! I daydream about sewing us matching pajamas.

13. I interned at a couple of juvenile detention centers back in the day, which left me with a lasting fascination with prison culture.

14. I have a never-ending crush on John Goodman.

15. Little Women is probably my favorite book of all time. Or at least right up there. You can get me to cry by talking about Beth and Marmee pretty much any time.

Tweet round-up

Real bloggers do this, sometimes, don't they? I think the Bloggess does. She calls it phoning it in. Anyway, here are some of my most recent tweets for those of you who don't have the pleasure of subscribing to my brilliance there.

• March 25th: I feel genuinely excited to be about to clean my bathroom with lemon comet while I listen to an EMT podcast. 30 isn't too different from 29.
• March 26th: PT [physical therapy]asked me to come help push a guy's leg and then when I did it went kablooey and sprayed blood. And I didn't faint!
• April 7th: My shift is half over and very boring, I'm watching an old man watch baseball.
• April 8th: My confused elderly patient told me our relationship won't work if I don't stop lying to him & pretending we're at the hospital.
• April 15th: Hospital riddle: you're working a double and get a 1:1 for a confused impulsive fall risk old man. What word do you least want to hear him say when you walk into the room? ...My real answer (and what he said) = Vietnam. Other contenders?
• April 27th: What should I watch on VHS, crossroads or 3 men and a baby?
• April 29th: I'm still sick. Wheen I finally get better I have a new life goal: pinup girl gator wrestling queen. Seriously, I like Louisiana, waterproof makeup, alligators and crocodiles in general and I could dust off the fisticuffs.
• today: OMG I just got to cut off a patient's undies for the first time: today is AWESOME!!

Patience

One of my favorite, and oldest, little old ladies died recently at the GreatRep (the dementia care facility that I still work part time at).

Patience was seriously a bad-ass. She was the oldest living person I've ever met, at several years past 100. She still walked, fed herself, and talked when she died. She was chronically cranky, hated to get up early in the mornings, so we always let her sleep in and woke her up after everyone else had eaten their breakfasts. She was known for her particular style of combativeness - Patience would grab your scrub top's neckline, haul you in, and scratch the bejesus out of you while she shrieked "ouch! Owww! Hurting me!!".

But that's not all Patience was, of course. She still had a great sense of humor, and often seemed aware that her increasing deafness was a good source of entertainment. One day, in the dining room, she incited a food fight with another resident, a man. When the med tech on duty approached her to redirect her, she said "Patience, you're such a rascal!" and Patience stared at her for a beat, then said "I'm such an asshole?!?" then laughed maniacally.

Patience would constantly sing in a low, grumbling monotone, similar to her speaking voice. Very old songs, like Springtime in the Rockies, or The Battle Hymn of the Republic. She'd also talk out loud, verbalizing her thoughts, which she may or may not have been aware she was doing. If you were walking by her and stopped to say hello, give her a kiss, or wave at her, she'd often mumble "that one smiled. That one smiled. That one was happy." in her repetitive, robotic voice.

My favorite ever moment with Patience was when I was trying to put her to bed one night. She was being very resistive to standing up, not wanting to leave her comfy couch in the living room and walk down to her room. Patience had never had children of her own, but was a devoted aunt whose nieces and nephews still visited her until the end of her life. So, trying a different approach, I said "Auntie Patience, I want to go to bed but I'm scared to walk there by myself. Will you take me?". She grudgingly pulled herself up with her walker and headed to her room with me. She used the bathroom, brushed her teeth, put on her nightgown, and then, to my surprise, plopped down on her coffee table! She leaned back, pointed at the bed, and said, in her deadpan way, "Go ahead. You sleep now, I'll watch you. You go to bed. I'm here." Just thinking about that is enough to make me cry.

It's not often that the staff at a nursing home really loves and adores a combative resident, but we all loved Patience. Who else would repeatedly strip in the common area, to the point we had to go plunk her in her room where the nudity was more appropriate? And then when we checked on her later, we found her wearing only panties and a bedsheet tied around her neck like Superman's cape, singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

So, Patience, you were a delight. I miss you already. And I know you would understand that it's with great affection that I share the following photo of what you reminded me of at the breakfast table every morning, since you never mellowed out enough to get your hair combed until you'd been up for a few hours.

I still love A&P 2

My new instructor continues to rock the casbah. I love that she gives us assignments that actually relate to clinical situations! For example, our first homework assignment was about the endocrine system. We had this sequence of hormones, like gland A sends out hormone A which triggers hormone B and then hormone C and so on. Then a hypothetical example of two patients who both had elevated levels of hormone C and what happened when they were given suppressive drugs for it. Based on that, we were to diagnose whether it was a primary problem arising from the beginning of the sequence, of a secondary problem from later in the sequence. So cool!

And today, in lab, we got in groups to do a very simple EKG on one another, and got to actually interpret the waves, as part of learning the heart functions. I love it. I have a whole new respect for the people at the hospital whose job it is to watch multiple heart monitors for abnormalities.

Now off to see "The Cabin in the Woods" and try not to scream in the movie theater. Eeek!

I'm going to marry my new teacher, or at least give her an apple

Last quarter ended on an awkward note, as I stayed after my final to speak to my A&P instructor about his inappropriate comments throughout the quarter - see my last post for more info. So imagine my unpleasant shock when, the Friday before classes were due to begin on Monday, I got a letter telling my I hadn't paid my spring quarter tuition and was therefore DROPPED FROM ALL MY CLASSES. WTF. That's a horrible way to let me know that. Wouldn't logic tell you that if someone owes you money, you should give them notice of that BEFORE it becomes a problem?

Nope. That was the first I'd heard of it, because up until now my financial aid has covered all of my tuition with no problems.

So now I was faced with the possibility that once I paid the extra money financial aid didn't cover, I might have to try to get into whatever A&P 2 class is available. Which includes the one taught by my last instructor. And both he and I would probably rather eat some glass than have that happen. Awesome.

Long story short, it all worked out and I'm deleriously happy to be enrolled in my (female) teacher's A&P 2 class. Today was the first lecture, and she's organized, clear, and seems to be an excellent instructor. And hasn't mentioned her genitals once!

I love her. I'm so, so, so relieved to be taking her class! This is going to be a good quarter.

Spring Break!

I made it through my finals and am now officially on spring break! Who would have thought that only working full-time could feel so easy?

This last week at work was extra stressful too, with a barrage of needy/cranky/drug seeking/on isolation precautions patients who made sure that at least one of them was pushing their call light every 3 minutes throughout my entire 8 hour shifts. I got home cranky after those, let me tell you.

After my final today, I stayed after class to have an uncomfortable talk with my instructor that went a little something like this:

"Hello teacher, I want to talk to you about your behavior and how you might improve it in the future. You seem like a good person who ultimately wants his students to be successful in this class, right?"

"Right"

"Well then let me tell you something, when you talk during class about 'Which head do I think with' [meaning brain or penis] or about pornography, or about who might have a 'thing' for urine it is offputting to your students and makes you much less approachable. I took late points on an assignment rather than speak with you one-on-one earlier in the quarter before I'd observed you enough to decide you were actually all right."

"Oh, that's strange, no one's ever told me that before"

"Really?? No one? Not in your anonymous performance reviews, not face to face, not via email?"

"Oh only 2 or 3 students in all the years I've been doing this. I don't get performance reviews much anymore, I'm tenured you know."

"Yes,I know. Well, think about it - if you intimidate and make people uncomfortable, they're not going to come to you and tell you you're doing that. So assume that I'm speaking for any number of students when I tell you this is not appropriate workplace behavior."

"I like to joke around, it makes me approachable. Most people like it, that's good enough for me."

"It doesn't make you approachable, it makes you inappropriate. There are ways to joke around that are great, do those."

"No, I don't think so. Thanks for the chat, bye. Oh by the way how are you going to handle me next quarter?"

"I'm taking a different teacher next quarter, of course. Goodbye."

ARRRRGHHHH! I want to rip my/his hair out in frustration.

Seriously, who does that? Who in their right mind wouldn't say "Oh, I see, perhaps you have a point, I'll think about it. Or tone it down. Sorry about that."

What a jackass, right?

So then I went home for my much-anticipated post-final nap and had a nightmare that I'd been demoted from working at the hospital to working at our sister facility nursing home. Only problem is, it was full of very acute patients, including pediatric ones! In my dream, the CNA that was orienting me suddenly had a little girl start coding and casually gave her a sternum rub and then some compressions until she revived and told the CNA to stop because it hurt. Then a doc came by and said "Oh, it was probably just postural, her vitals drop when she's supine. Turn her over and carry on." I was horrified that I'd be expected to be saving children's lives one-handed and that they all took it so casually, and was tangled up in a bunch of IV tubing and suction tubing trying to get my butt out the door before I killed someone.

Stress dream, much?

Stupid tenured teacher.

Good news: quarter is over, no more teacher, and I'm NOT demoted in any way at the hospital, and I will never have to be responsible for critically ill children unless for some ungodly reason I decide I want to be, which seems very, very unlikely. Old people, sure. Kiddos, no way. Can't handle that population; the very idea makes me shake.