Sunday, September 11, 2011

Not a 9/11 post

I don't have anything special to say about 9/11 except that death really really sucks. I feel terrible for people who lost their families on that day, just as I feel terrible for the resident at work who's slowly dying from a series of strokes. She had another one today, vomiting beforehand even though I'd given her an anti-nausea drug by mouth before dinner, and the nurse had given her an anti-nausea suppository after the first time she threw up. She vomited a few more times, and then there was that telltale lean, the inability to control half of her body. A different half than last time. And she was so baffled about what was happening to her, and how could she get to feel better, and there isn't any answer.

This woman is a sweet lady with a devoted family.

And it makes me sad, trying to brush her teeth after she vomits and she cannot control half of her mouth while I do it. And it makes me sad, listening to her struggle to slur out that yes, she wants her daughter to come see her now.

Maybe it's easier for religious people once someone is actually dead - they usually say they're "in a good place now". But I don't know if watching the slow, steady decline is easier with a God around or not. I don't know if anything could make that easier; it's just so, so sad sometimes. And sometimes it's not, and I can't make reason of why sometimes it really gets to me and sometimes it doesn't.

If I do end up getting that hospital job, I'll be hoping that having patients for such a short period of time makes it harder to get very attached to them. A lot of the people I take care of now, I've seen nearly every day for about a year now.

And just to top off my bad mood, I got bitten right before the end of my shift, trying to scoop some non-food stuff out of a resident's mouth that she was trying to eat. I knew (obviously) that it was likely I'd get bitten, but I didn't want her to choke or get sick from this. I really hate getting bitten.

So that's my important thoughts for the day: I hate death sometimes and I hate getting bitten all the time. My sympathies for all of you that are dealing with either one.

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